THE KEELY CRISIS A MSTing by Immora - raziel@angelsanctuary.org; http://come.to/immora Original stories "moon beam boarding school" and "meetings at the beach" by keely Thompson (as she writes her name.) No offense towards the author is intended. Gender is assumed to be female. This is my first MST, so don't expect it to be the best MST you've ever read. There may be some innaccuracies with the MST3K characters since I've only seen five episodes (but the show is so good that five was enough to hook me! ^_^ ) The host segment is not particularly thrilling for most frequenters of MSTings. It's intended to explain why certain guest stars appeared and to help people understand what MST3K is about (since some of the people that read my regular stories might not know what MST3K is.) Future host segments should be more entertaining. Huge thanks to Spridle for reading over the story before I released it! ^_^ --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mike: In the not too distant future, somewhere in time and space, Mike Nelson and his robot pals are caught in a nasty place. They try to survive the wrath of Pearl, just an evil gal who wants to rule the world, From her castle below, she sets her sights above Just to torture all the captives on the Satellite of Love (shouted) GET ME DOWN!!! Pearl: I'll send him cheesy movies, The worst I can find. (la la la) He'll have to sit and watch them all, And I'll monitor his mind. (la la la) Mike: Now keep in mind Mike can't control Where the movies begin or end (la la la) He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his robot friends. Robot Roll Call: Cambot! (You're on!) Gypsy! (Oh, my stars!) Tom Servo! (Check me out!) Crooooow! (I'm different!) If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, (la la la) Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax..." for Mystery Science Theater 3000! (Twang!) [1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...] MIKE: Look, guys, I've already said it-- Oh, hello, Mike Nelson here. I'm just having a little talk with Tom and Crow-- CROW: We want a PONY, and we want one NOW! MIKE (sighing): Look, Crow, we're up in space, and there's no _ponies_ in space. TOM: How do you know? There could be a pony tucked away somewhere. After all, we raised a five thousand pound pig in space, how hard could it be for someone to have a pony? MIKE: Assuming there actually IS a pony in space... what would you do with it? TOM & CROW: ... Well... uh... um... ride him? Um... feed... him... (keep rambling on excuses) [Commercial light flashes] MIKE: We'll be ride-- RIGHT back-- No, NO ponies!-- [Commercials for several useless products and the typical Sci-Fi channel show promo] TOM: Come on, we'll keep it in one of the corridors-- MIKE: Tom, you can NOT get a pony. It is impossible to have a pony here. And even if you did have one, you really wouldn't have anything to do with it. CROW: We'll ride it around! MIKE: I think Tom's hoverskirt would make riding a pony a bit difficult. TOM: Geez, Mike, just spoil... our... dream! [sobs] MIKE: Tom... settle down... come on, you'll think of something else... [notices the lights flashing] MIKE: That's strange, Pearl's a little early today. [Castle Forrester, where Pearl is working at a desk. Observer is looking at the camera with a strange expression while Professor Bobo is prancing around] PEARL [dryly]: I'm so glad you noticed, Nelson. I want to try out something and I need a little time to do it. [Satellite of Love] MIKE: Oh? [exchanges glances with the bots] Well, what do you want to do, Pearl? TOM: A new recipe for nuclear waste casserole? CROW: A hairstyle intended for kangaroos? MIKE: A shade of nail polish that glows in the dark AND blinds at the same time? [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Very funny. What I want to do is-- BOBO: But Lawgiver, I really don't think-- PEARL: Quiet, monkey boy, I'm TRYING to explain! ... As I was saying, I have something I'd like to try out. I've spent all this time trying to destroy your mind, but I should have more reason than that, right? BOBO: Yes, as I suggested, we should use what we learn and-- PEARL: And as I was thinking, I've just been testing the MALE mind. A female, being smarter of course, will be much more resistant to having her mind destroyed. [SOL] MIKE: I don't know whether I should be insulted or glad... [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Anyways, I was thinking I should send a woman up there, too. You better be ready when she arrives. [SOL] CROW: Hey, maybe Mike will finally score! MIKE: Shut up, Crow. Well, Pearl, just who do you plan to send up? [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Well, I'll let Brain Guy explain. OBSERVER: Using my superior mind, I will lock onto a strong-willed female mind down on the planet's surface. We will then transport that individual to the satellite. PEARL: I hope you'll treat her right. [SOL] CROW: Parrrr-tay! TOM: Hey, think we could get Observer to find us a decent pony? MIKE: No, Tom. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Take it away, Brain Guy. [Observer's face contorts several times] OBSERVER: Ah, I've found her. Transmitting-- [Static interrupts the feed] [SOL] MIKE: I guess they couldn't keep the signal going while they find our new friend. CROW: "New friend," what a way to put it. TOM: Well, we better be ready to greet her! [goes off screen] I'll show off my impressive underwear collection. MIKE: I don't think she'll appreciate-- CROW: And I'll show her my gallery of anime cels featuring women in really skimpy clothes. MIKE: Ok, I KNOW she won't appreciate that! CROW: Let's see, we have the Dirty Pair, the dark elf from Lodoss War, Sailormoon characters... TOM [coming back onscreen]: Don't forget to show her your doujinshi. [Crow reaches under the desk and stands up holding a stack of doujinshi, then falls over from the weight] CROW: Got it! MIKE: Guys, that woman is going to be trapped up here just like we are. We need to make her feel comfortable and right at home. We should-- [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Well, we had an unexpected development! Brain Guy locked onto two minds instead of just one, but that's alright, we're sending the two of them right over. [SOL] MIKE: Oh, good... say, where did you get them from? [Castle Forrester] OBSERVER: Tokyo, Japan, but don't worry about being unable to communicate, they do speak English as well. [SOL] MIKE: Well, that's good-- CROW: Hey, maybe they watch some of the anime we watch! MIKE: Wait a minute, I thought you just collected the cels for the artwork? CROW: Mike, I actually WATCH these things! Duh! TOM: Really, Mike, where have you been? We're two of the biggest otaku you'll ever meet! MIKE [mouthing]: Otaku?! [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Take a little time to get acquainted, then I'll send you your fanfiction. [SOL] MIKE: Yeah, Pearl. [Mike and the bots wait. They hear sounds coming from the corridor. Two women emerge] MIKE: Hey, my name's Mike N-- WHOA! [The taller woman lifts him by the front of his shirt and starts yelling in Japanese] TOM: You tell 'im, sister! CROW: Go get 'im! [The shorter one looks at the bots strangely] SHORTER WOMAN: Ah... who are you? Where are we? CROW: You're on the Satellite of Love. My name's Crow T. Robot-- TOM: And I'm Tom Servo-- CROW: And the guy your friend is roughing up is Mike Nelson. [The shorter woman says something to her companion and she grudingly lets go of Mike] SHORTER WOMAN: Nice to meet you, Robot, Servo-- CROW: That's Crow; first name first. SHORTER WOMAN: Oh, sorry. Well, I'm Michiru Kaiou-- BOTS: NO WAY!!! MIKE [coughing]: Is there... something... I should know? TOM: Pearl sent us a Sailormoon character! This is so cool! CROW: Well if you're Michiru, this must be-- HARUKA: Haruka, now how do we get out of here? MIKE: I'm sorry ladies, but you're stuck here for now. Believe me, you're in for a long haul. HARUKA: Great... what is this place? MIKE: This is the Satellite of Love. That lunatic woman Pearl Forrester sends us movies, fanfiction, and usenet posts to try to destroy our minds. She wants to take over the universe. HARUKA: She can't be THAT dangerous; we would have sensed something was wrong. TOM: Yeah, Mike, they're Sailor Senshi, they protect the whole world! MIKE: Who's side are you on? TOM: Theirs, of course. MIKE: Great, just great... MICHIRU: So she sends you these materials... MIKE: Yeah, we sit in a theater and are forced to watch them, or read them, depending on the material. It can get pretty brutal. CROW: So we sit around and rip them apart with witty comments to keep our sanity! HARUKA: Doesn't sound too bad. MIKE: You'd be surprised. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Ok, you've had your fun, now here's your fanfic. It's two pieces of work, both by someone calling themselves "keely Thompson." The pieces are "moon beam boarding school" and "meetings at the beach." Don't ask me to explain the lovely lack of capilization, I don't entirely understand it myself. Enjoy. [SOL] [Lights flash] MIKE&BOTS: We've got fanfic siiiign! HARUKA: What? MIKE: Just follow us! [6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...] [Haruka and Michiru enter before Mike and the bots. They sit down to the left of where Tom usually sits. Mike sets Tom down and he takes his seat, followed by Crow] HARUKA: Well, at least the seats are comfortable. CROW: That's about the only comfortable part of the experience. > > >hey minna!!!! MIKE: Who? HARUKA: It means "everyone." MIKE: So why didn't she just say "everyone?" HARUKA: ... That's a very good question. >yes I know I know I have not finished a lot of my stories TOM: The government keeps confiscating my computer... >but hey when ya get an idea go with it^_^!!!!!! I would like to deticate >this to all of my friends MIKE: I hope they appreciate the "detication." >and some of this credit goes to a friend, who knows who they are for >giving me the ideas for this story!!!!! thanks so much!!!! TOM: So if we have any complaints, blame the friend for giving you ideas? CROW [falsetto]: Come on, it's only a little pot... it won't hurt... MIKE [falsetto]: Oh, I don't know... my mommy said drugs are _bad_. CROW [falsetto]: Do you always do what "mommy" says? >well hope you like the new story!!!!!!!!!! enjoy^_~!!! > keely Thompson ALL: Whatever. > ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::moon beam boarding school ch. >1:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: MICHIRU: The moon beam boarding school, where you learn such interesting things as how to forget the rules of capitalization. MIKE: See, you're getting the hang of it. > "NO!! you can't make me go! I won't go! I thought you said I all ready >was a lady!" CROW (falsetto): You mean I have to go to the doctor and get hormone shots, too? I KNEW I should've just stuck to being a transVESTITE instead of a tranSEXUAL... >serena had been in the living room playing the piano. TOM: The Piano... coming this summer, only for Nintendo 64. >when her mother came in telling her that she was going to a boarding school. CROW [mother]: Ha ha, ha ha, I'm sending you to a boarding school and there's nothing you can do about it! >serena is now screaming at her mother. MIKE [Serena]: But MO-om, I'm already such a lady! I have such great manners and everything! >serena was 15 years old and lived in America. the year was 1812 and in that >time women were not allowed to do any thing boyish. HARUKA: [pretends to spit, making loud sounds in the process] MIKE: *gasp!* You're under arrest! Spitting is a MANLY thing! >serena was quite a women. MICHIRU: Hmmm, I wonder what it would be like to be more than one woman. HARUKA: Maybe she has multiple personality disorder. MIKE [changing pitch between words]: I... do... not... have... a... problem! >she had good manners, wonderful talent in music and singing, she could read >write, MIKE: I just love to read write. >and was very smart for her age. TOM: When you ignored the fact that she made 34's on tests. But other than that... >the one bad thing about her was that, well, she liked to be like a boy at >times. HARUKA [Serena]: I admit it, I ADMIT IT, I love cross-dressing! There, I've said it! CROW: Um, Haruka... HARUKA: ...Oh shut up. I'm pretending to be _her_. >as she put it, 'anything a boy can do a girl can do twice as better.' ALL [singing]: Anything you can do, I can do better... I can do anything better than you! >and because of this could be very stubborn. she likedto dress in pants and >blouses (her mother made her ware it seeing as she couldn't get serena not to >ware pants) CROW: Who needs to wear pants when you can ware them instead? >ride horses and resettle at one time. TOM: How do you resettle? I don't get it. >she was very unusalle. CROW: Uh... what? >for she had blond gold hair and the most captivating blue eyes ever. she had >a nice figure that women where jelious of, and nice legs. MIKE [falsetto]: I'm so _jelious_ of that Serena, with her blond gold hair and nice legs! Jealous even, I tell ya! HARUKA [sarcastic]: I wish _I_ had legs as nice as Serena. She's under 5 feet tall and pigs out all the time... her legs must be sooo much better than mine. MICHIRU: [winking] Don't worry, there's no comparison. HARUKA: [chuckles] >serena's mother sat down and and calmly answered, CROW [mother]: I am secretly a giant spider that invaded the earth. >" serena you are 15 years old it is time for you to make friends other than boys. >besides you are going to learn how to say things properly witch ALL: Learn how to say things properly, you _witch_! MICHIRU: ... Wasn't she described as having good manners? >you have quite forgotten to do. and another thing. TOM [mother]: Your breath is disgusting. CROW: Mentos! The freshmaker! >his is the best school in the world and its in London. CROW [mother]: It's so good, in fact, that I won't let you know what it's called. >think of all those fields you could ride horses on." (I don't know what London >looked like at the time) MIKE: Rainy. Just like it is now. >serena looked at her mother and new she just wanted her to have a good life. CROW: Never considering her mother's ulterior motives... ship out the daughter, move the boyfriend in. Ahhh, the secret love life of Serena's mother... >her father had died and left a 123,340 pounds to there name. HARUKA: See that name over there? It inherited 123,340 pounds. TOM: So her father dumped all his weight onto Serena. He was a large fellow, mind you. >and her mother never had a good education witch is why she wanted serena to have >the best. MIKE [hick voice]: Ah ain't gots the right learnin', so Ah want you learnt right. >serena sighed in defeat. "oh all right. but how long do I have to stay there?" TOM: Until Hell freezes over! MWAHAHAHA! >her mother laughed. "you stay there until you 18. that's 3 years. don't >worry were going shopping all right?" MICHIRU: Nothing like a shopping trip to make up for being sent across the ocean to a school whose name you don't know. >serena lit up. MIKE: And everyone at the barbeque enjoyed their Serena burgers. >"mother can I get a new horse to take to school? please?pretty >please!?" TOM: And I will call him George and I will love him forever and ever... >her mother looked at her. "oh all right come on get dressed CROW [mother]: Nothing will shock people at the mall more than a teenage girl shopping in her birthday suit! >lets go shopping." the they ran out and left for the market. as the >they got home MIKE [menacing voice]: The They! Now in tour! Get your tickets now! >serena had botten 10 new dresses 2 new pairs of breaches and blouses on >witch her mother made her buy. MICHIRU: Let me get this straight... Serena is a witch and she "botten" clothes at the market... that her mother made her buy? Hold on... I'm starting to lose the plot... [pulls out her mirror] HARUKA: Michiru, I think even THAT won't help us. >serena also got a white horse of what she quite nicely named angle. >an appropriate name for a whit horse. MIKE: Because, you see, Serena loved geometry sooo much and hated English sooo much she just HAD to name her horse "angle." His nickname is "Obtuse." TOM: How come the DiC-ified Usagi gets a horse and you won't even get us a pony?! > :::::: in the ship(first class):::::: TOM: What's the in-float movie? CROW: Titanic, of course. TOM: Ah, good choice... Images of a sinking ship won't discourage them at all! > *sigh. this is soooo boring. ALL: We agree. >all these people are such snobs! god you'd think that the boys could be >any prouder that they are! MIKE [Serena]: Gosh, they're almost as arrogant as ME! >and I thought that the boys in the town were worse than this!! god just >shoot me now!!* HARUKA: WORLD SH-- MICHIRU: Down, Haruka! HARUKA: $#!^ ... Hey, who censored me?! GYPSY [v.o.]: Please watch the language. >suddenly some one tapped her lightly on the shoulder. on instinct she >grabbed the hand a flipped the person out. TOM: Remember kids, always react with _violence_! Violence is the answer!!! KILL! KILL!!! >she heard a thud and then a groan. CROW: I knew I shouldn't have had those beans for dinner ohhhhh... [fart sound] >then a feminine voice spoke to her and she gasped to relize what she had just >done. "jeez! a little higher and I would have gone over board not Th I don't >need a swim." MIKE [as the girl]: And I haven't drowned anyone lately! Oh... I shouldn't have mentioned that I'm a serial killer, should I? >serena laughed then helped the girl up. "hey I'm really sorry about that. TOM [Serena]: I meant to break your neck. >I thought you were one of those snobby guys who were making passes at me." CROW: Guys makes passes at HER?! Mike? MIKE: Don't ask me, I don't understand it either. >the girl looked at her. "hey no problem!! my name is mina. MIKE: Her name is everyone? HARUKA: That's _minna_. >and if I do say so my self we look quite a lot alike! do you think we could >be sisters." MICHIRU [Serena's mom]: Oh yes, I forgot to tell you, I had an illegitimate child with your father's uncle's friend's daughter's cousin's son. His name was Billy Bob. >"my name is serena . but I don't think so. TOM [Serena]: I think my real name is Usagi... but I'm not sure. I don't think so. I think I might be dubbed... I don't think so... Oh wait... my brain started to hurt again... >but I would like to be your friend though." the laughed and shook hands. "come >on I would like you to meet some of my friends." mina took her to five other >girls. "serena this lita, Amy, she's a brain, MIKE: Oh my God! It's a BRAIN with no body! >ray, CROW (whispering): Ray's a transsexual in denial... He... she? It keeps calling itself "Ray" but we keep telling... it... "Ray, honey, that's a _man's_ name, and if you want to be a woman now, you should consider something else..." >Katie but you can call her Kat, and this is Melissa." HARUKA: Huh? MIKE: They're probably just characters the author made up. >serena looked at each girl an shook hands. "so where are you all going?" asked >serena. TOM [falsetto]: We're going across the world to escape from the police... We were convicted of seventy three counts of murder-- Ah, shoot, don't you know this is the serial killer convention?! >"were going to the moon beam boarding school." said lita. serena smiled. >"really me too!!! CROW: What a coinkydink! I don't think this is a plot contrivance! >this is great now we can become closer to each other." the girls started talking >and soon it was time for dinner. TOM: We've got gray stuff, brown stuff, mystery meat, pork rinds, and some roadkill. Order up. >they all ate and then went to bed. serena woke up in the middle of the night CROW [very menacing]: I am the terror that flaps in the night-- TOM: Darkwing Crow? CROW: Yes! >and decided to go out for a walk. as serena leaned over the railing she >never noticed a figure watching her. HARUKA: Maybe I should push her over the railing... >once again serena was brought out of her toughest MIKE: Um... hmmm... well that's an interesting word to put there... So now she's in her weakest? >as wind swept over her and blew her dress and he hair from her bun. serena >sighed again and went inside. the next morning MIKE: What was she doing out there anyway? MICHIRU [Kate Winslet]: I'll jump overboard! I really will! BOTS: Jump, Serena, jump! There's nothing to live for! MICHIRU: [fake scream] BOTS: [loud splash sound] >serena put on her best dress, shall, and hat. her dress was white and had an >emperor waist. TOM: Designed for the beer-bellied woman. >it like most dresses in that age was not thin but thick and puffed up though >it nice on her. luckily for her it didn't puff up TO much. HARUKA [Serena]: Does this make me look fat? Ohhhh, I KNEW I shouldn't have "botten" this dress... >as the girls waited to get off the ship serena heard a mew. she looked down to >see a black cat look up at her. serena giggled and said, "well little kitty do >you want to go to school to." CROW [cat]: What do I look like, a human? >the little cat looked at her. serena giggled again. "well mother never said I >couldn't bring a pet so I say you should come with me." serena put the cat on her >shoulder. the cat purred contentedly as serena scratched her ears. MIKE: The cat was content to watch Serena scratch her own ears. >soon serena got got of by herself. CROW: [opens beak] MIKE: Uh... let's leave that one alone, Crow. >* I wonder where every one is? oh well no time like the present.* TOM: Although the future is nice, too. >serena got to the stage coach section got her horse, CROW: Angle? >bridled it up and was about to leave when some one yelled "you miss. how >can you ride in that dress?!" serena turned to face an old man. MICHIRU [Serena]: Very well, thank you. >"well,I like to ride and that's all you need to know." HARUKA: Oh yeah, you sure told _him_ off! What a tough girl you are! >with that serena was on her way. soon serena was at the academy and she went >and rang the bell. ALL: DING-DONG! >the iron gates opened MIKE [Lurch]: Yoooou rang? >and serena went in. as serena stepped into the living room she held back a gasp. >the floor the pillars and the stare case were made of marble. TOM: Little did she know that it was just fancy linoleum. >the windows were huge and were French with silken curtness HARUKA: How can curtness be silken? >giving it a look of pure elegance. CROW: While also screaming, "You cheap trailer trash, get back where you belong! [disgusted] You make me sick..." >the room was huge and light flooded in giving it a heavenly sensation. "wow." was >all serena could manage to say. MIKE: And then she said, "Boy, I'm getting my butt outta here while I can! This place is for preppy DORKS!" >the cat mewd in agreement. a servant came in and addressed her. MICHIRU: He addressed her to Abu Dahbi and stuck her in a box. TOM (singing like Garfield): Abu Dahbi, Abu Dahbi... CROW (Nermal): But Garrrrrfield! This isn't very cuuuute! >"ms. Lawrence serena?" MIKE: Whoa, a girl named Lawrence... I bet she and Ray get along good... BOTS: [groan] Ohhh... >serena whipped around and the cat almost lost its balance. TOM (cat): For crying out loud, I have stomach problems, I-- BLEEEEHHCHHH! CROW (Serena): Oh gross! Puked all over my nice beer belly waist dress! >"yes?" the girl stifled a laugh as she saw the cat trying to get up. serena >noticed this and picked up the cat and petted it. "I'm to show you to your room. >I am also your maid. my name is shara." "thanks shara. this is my cat, luna! yah >that's it! luna." MIKE [Serena]: Or maybe it's Luna? Yeah, Luna. Or wait... Luna? >the lady looked her weirdly. "why do you call it that?" TOM [falsetto]: Are you insane, girl? What kinda stupid name is that? >"well she has that small crescent moon on its collar around its neck." and yes >right there there was crescent moon on a blue collar. HARUKA: Well golly! Who woulda thought? >the maid just smiled and led her to her room. TOM: --And this is your room, note the lovely decor... spacious closets... oh, and _this_ will be your death bed! >serena stared in awe. "dinner will be ready in two hours." CROW: The cooks are all feeble old men that can't cook any faster than that. >serena nodded and he maid left. there was a huge double window that opened to >a balcony. CROW: Jump! Jump! >the room had light blue walls and the top had a painting of angles. CROW: She sure does love geometry! >the bed was made of light wood and the bed sheets were made of silk. MIKE: And the bedpan was made of the finest sterling silver. >she had a vanity a night stand on ether TOM: Hey, for defeating this monster, I won (1) Ether and (2) Phoenix Downs, plus (1) Tent! MIKE: A little too much Final Fantasy, huh Servo? >side of her bed and a closet. serena put her clothes in the closet and then >looked around again. CROW [Serena]: Boy, this place sure is a dump... just like home [sigh]. >there was a bathroom with a white tub that was near a window. HARUKA: But I wanted a bath tub! How am I supposed to take a white?! Sheesh... >it had a marble sink TOM: So whenever she lost them, they'd have a place to wash up. >with a mirror and a rug. serena. MIKE: I believe that's one of the shortest sentences I've ever seen. >her clock said 6:30. MICHIRU (Serena): Oh shoot, I missed all my soaps! >* time for dinner! I sure am starved! I bet even the food is made for god >him self. HARUKA: God, we made this food for you-- Oh. Wait. You don't have a physical presence. You aren't exactly walking around on earth. Guess we'll have to feed it to the students then. >well don't want to be late!* serena grabbed the sleeping cat by the neck and >slung her over her soulder TOM: Isn't that animal abuse? CROW: Luna was promptly souldered down to a metal plate, where she resides to this day. TOM: And THAT is DEFINITELY animal abuse! >and ran out the door. serena sat down. she then noted that all her friends were >there. "hey guys!" "hey serena!" soon they stared chatting and soon found some new >friends. there names were Michelle(micharu) and violet.(hutaru) MICHIRU: [falls out of her seat] HARUKA: [helps her up] It's okay, Michiru, it's okay... It's just _another_ American that can't get your name right... MICHIRU: [whimpers] This place really IS torture... HARUKA: Look, they got Hotaru-chan's name wrong, too. MICHIRU: [keeps whimpering] >soon the owner came in. "girls, girls, it is time to start dinner." MIKE: About time! [menacing voice] FEED ME! >they quitted down and ate in peace. serena suddenly got an idea. "Mrs. serenity >is there a music room?" TOM: No. Shut up and eat your grub. >asked serena as she finished her dinner. "why yes. we have violins, a piano, >flutes, trumpets, a harp, and chello. MICHIRU: [starts making funny noises] HARUKA: There, there... she probably doesn't play any instruments... she wouldn't know how to spell chello... It's not like it's a personal insult. MICHIRU: [glares at her] HARUKA: Um... er... ehehehe... >you will start music at 11:00 o'clock tommaro." serena nodded her head. "um are >we aloud to play when we have free time?" CROW [Mrs. Serenity]: You can play, but you have to be silent. I don't let anyone play aloud. >the older women looked at serena with interest. "serena do you like the arts?" >serena shook her head. "yes TOM: But you just shook your head! Contradicting yourself! >especially the piano. its what I'm good at other than the violin." MICHIRU: That's funny, she could only make screeching sounds when she tried to play mine! She must be pretty horrible at the piano if she's comparing her skill at it to her violin abilities!! >"would you mind playing a piece?" MIKE [indignant]: Yes, I _would_ mind! Control freak... >asked serenity delighted that she liked to play the violin. serena shook her >head and went to the piano where every one gathered. TOM: Whoa, wait a minute... I thought she was going to play violin? CROW: I didn't think she'd play anything, she shook her head! >serena played 'final destiny (you can down load it at the music section) MIKE [Monty Python]: But I don't want to. >they whole group was impressed at how well she played. soon it was time for bed. MICHIRU: They'd fallen asleep and slept through the whole thing. >the next mooring serena woke up with the sun in her eyes. MIKE: Hey, get the sun out of my eye! Geez, could blind someone with that... >she stretched and took a bath. HARUKA: But neglected to shower, so her hair was greasy and stood up on its own. >after she got dressed she picked up her cat and went down for breakfast. >as she sat down she started to talk to micharu. MICHIRU: [hyperventilates] MIKE: I thought they were calling her Michelle? HARUKA: Michiru, sweetie, don't faint... It's going to be okay... >they decided to play a violin piano duet. soon breakfast was over serena >and the others went to school. at 11:30 very one went to the music room >where a man came in. he had black hair with gray hair. he had stormy blue >eyes and a warm smile. CROW: This hid the fact that he was a homicidal maniac that preyed on teenage girls. How unfortunate. >just then serenity ran in. "girls we have good news. this is count shields. he >is one of the most famous musicians and one of the wealthiest man in London." MIKE: Well, as one of the wealthiest man, he must not have much competition. >the man bowed. he then side stepped. "this is my son Darien. he will also be >learning how to play. now how many of you know how to play any instruments?" >serena and Michelle raised there hands. MICHIRU: [starts to faint] TOM: And back to Michelle! MICHIRU: Someone... help... HARUKA: [holds her] It's okay... it's okay... >Mr..shields smiled warmly at them. "well then ladies what instrument do you >play?" Michelle spoke first. "I play the violin though serena is probably >better than me at it right?" MICHIRU: [starts screaming like a mad-woman] HARUKA: [holding her down] Michiru! Calm down! It's just a fanfic! MICHIRU [yelling]: I'm world-reknowned! I perform around the world! I have CDs! She couldn't play if her life depended on it!!! HARUKA: Mich-- MICHIRU: DIE SERENA!!! MIKE&BOTS: Our thoughts exactly! HARUKA: Don't give in! That's just what Pearl wants! >serena blushed. "what do you play serena?" asked Mr..shields. he like this >girl she seemed to be very interesting. MIKE: She perhaps helped he grammar correctness. >"I play the violin and piano." "very well could you play a piece for us?" TOM [Serena]: No... I don't think I could... You see, I have no musical skills whatsoever... >he was suprised when the girls started yelling out recasts. CROW: Get rid of this girl! We want Usagi to play her part! TOM: Yeah! None of this "Serena" junk! BOTS [chanting]: We want Usagi! We want Usagi! >one caght his attention. CROW: Then tied it down to railroad tracks, waited for a train to speed through, and watched as it was spread out for miles. >"serena play the one you composed!" shouted molly. CROW: So out of nowhere, a girl named Molly knows Serena well enough to know she composed something, even though all Serena's friends were boys before she came to the school. Riiiight. >serena nodded and went up to the piano. she played final destiny. when she was >done every one applauded. TOM [falsetto]: That Serena can't play much else, can she? CROW [falsetto]: I declare, she must have learned by rote, she can't play a single thing but that. >Mr.. shields including Darien were shocked at how well serena could play. MICHIRU: Considering all the missed chords, sharps in the wrong places, ignoring accidentals, in the wrong key, playing at the wrong tempo, and counting all the notes wrong, she was otherwise playing very well. >"so you compose your own music?" serena shook her head. " only once in a while. MICHIRU [Serena]: I usually just rip it off from people who can _actually_ compose. HARUKA: Still mad about that? MICHIRU: YES. >dependes on how i feel. thats why the music is up beat and down beat. HARUKA: Well you know, music usually has an up beat, down beat, up beat, down beat ... what do you think the conductor is there for? MIKE: You know something about music? HARUKA: Nelson... I play duets with Michiru, and she's a world-reknowned violinst. I have to be a great pianist to play with someone of her skill. MIKE: Ahhh... good point... >but i don't compose a lot. sorry." darien suddenly relized how gorgouse she was. >with her golden hair blue eyes you could drown in nice body and sun kissed lips, >ready to be kissed. by him. MIKE [lips]: Kiss me. No, not you! Him! Oh for crying out loud, forget about it! >*oh shut up. why? you know you like her. MIKE [Darien]: You just met her a few minutes ago, but you like her and want to kiss her. >so she probebly dosen't like me. do you see the wya she looks at you? shut up.* ALL: Really, shut up! >he was taken out of his when his father nugged him. MIKE: Out of his...? CROW: Mind? TOM: Body? HARUKA: Room at the mental institution? >"son why don't you play a duet with serena on the violin. try bach." TOM [little kid voice]: But I don't want to try Bach... it smells funny... CROW [fatherly voice]: Come on, you'll like it when you try it. It tastes better than it smells. MIKE [motherly voice]: Listen to your father, Tom. >they played a duet and then it was back to learning the notes. MICHIRU: He's still learning the notes but already playing a duet? >soon it was time to go. at dinner every one except serena taked about how >handsome darien shilds was. serena getting tired of it went to the library >and read a book. TOM: Is it just me, or is Serena her total opposite in this story? [Everyone but Mike agrees since he doesn't know these characters well] >the next morinig was saterday a free day. ALL: (are silent in shock) >serena went to serenity's room and nocked. "come in." was the muffled reply >behind the giant oak doors. serena stepped in carfully. CROW: She was relieved when she wasn't confronted with a bucket of water falling from above. >"um mrs. serenity i was wondering if i could go to town and by some presents >for my mom and little sister?" TOM: She has a little sister now? CROW: Remember, Mina thinks they're sisters? >serenity similed. MICHIRU: And then she metaphored. >"why of course. just be back by dinner." "yes ma'm." MIKE [Serena]: Ha ha! I'm a rebel! I'll stay out past curfew! >and with that was off like a flash. TOM: Flash Gordon? >serena wore her light pink dress and bonnet. she picked up luna put a pink >satin ribbon around her neck and they were off. ALL [singing]: We're off to see the wizard... >serena came out side of the gate and hailed a coach. "where to?" the shops >please." the man tipped his hat and was off. MIKE: Here, hat, since you did such a good job, you get 20% gratuity. >*the good thing about this is that i look older and more mature in this dress >witch HARUKA [Serena]: Because, of course, pink is _such_ a mature color. >will defnetly help me out at he town today.* serena paid the man 15 shilings >and was off. ALL: [are even more shocked than before] >as serena looked at a toy store she felt as though she were being watched. ALL: [lean forward in their seats] MIKE: We've got our eyes on you, little missy! >serena went to the store and looked around. suddenly she felt a tap. MICHIRU: I feel... a TAP! AHHH! >serena turned around and came face to face with........ >:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::the >end:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: >hehehehe cliff hanger!!! ALL [sarcastic]: Oh, I can't wait to see who it is... >but don't worry i'll get the next chapter in soon k^_^!!! ALL: Don't worry, we won't. >lthanks for the e-mail and ideas every one!!! have a nice day >reading the other stories.!!!!! by!!!!! TOM: Oh man, it'll take all DAY to read the stories? Geez... ALL: [get up and leave the theater] HARUKA: That was pretty awful. MICHIRU: I'll say ;_; HARUKA: I can't believe you three have lasted this long. MIKE: Sometimes I can't believe it myself. [Gypsy suddenly comes in and has papers stacked on top of her head] GYPSY: If you wouldn't mind, could I have your autographs? HARUKA: Sure... uh, what do you need all those papers for? GYPSY: Multiple signatures. HARUKA: Umm... [Haruka starts signing papers. Michiru looks reluctant] GYPSY: You too, Michiru... please? I just adore your music. I love to listen to it while I think about Richard Basehart. MICHIRU: Who? GYPSY: ... You don't know who Richard Basehart is? MICHIRU: Ahhh... nevermind... Thanks for the... um, compliment. [Michiru starts signing, too] TOM: You know, I've been thinking... [ducks down and reappears with a catalog of some sort] If we can't get a pony... let's a get a nice beach condo! MIKE: Ok, we REALLY can't do that, Tom. There are absolutely NO beaches in space. CROW: Where'd you get THAT idea, Mike? There's plenty of beaches. Where do you think dolphins come from? MIKE: Ummm... TOM: Anyways, I'm looking at this lovely model, with the nice red trim and this unusual, rounded chimney... CROW: Oh, that _is_ nice, Tom. MIKE: I really don't know... isn't it a bit... well... TOM: It's perfect! And look, a nice big backyard for a pony to graze in. MIKE: I thought you gave up the pony idea? TOM: I never said that. MIKE: Yes you... wait... uh... HARUKA: Have we signed enough yet? GYPSY: Just twenty more. HARUKA: ... Um... MIKE: Am I the only one who has no idea who you two are? MICHIRU: I think so. CROW: It's probably for the best, Mike. If you knew who they were, these fanfics would just horrify you even more when you see how awfully they are portrayed. MIKE: Yeah, I guess it's-- [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Did I just hear a suggestion that would help me destroy Mike's mind? [SOL] CROW: Ah, no... [Castle Forrester] PEARL: I'll have to have the Observer cram all the information there is on Sailormoon into your mind. Won't that be pleasant? OBSERVER: This won't take long... [SOL] MIKE: Ah! Ow, goddamnit... [Lots of weird camera angles and flashy lights later] TOM: You alright? You were out for awhile. MIKE: Ow, whoa, my head feels weird... [cringes and squints] HARUKA: Well, did it work? MIKE: Ah... yeah. Hey, Uranus. HARUKA: Hey. MIKE: Well, I guess these stories will be even more Hell for me now. [Lights flash] MIKE: Well, here we go again. [Return to theater] > CROW [answering machine tone]: You'd reached Keely's home. I'm unavailable right now, but if you leave a me-- *BEEP* >hi minna!!!!!! well I'm back!!! yes that's right I have a new story for >ya!!! TOM: I just LOVE exclamation marks!!!! >no don't worry I'll finish doctors life and serena's collage life. ALL: Do we look worried? >but I want to start a new story. I think you'll like this one. ALL: [snicker] >and you want to know something weird I'm basing this on a dream a had!! >go a head and laugh I think its pretty funny too^_^!!!! MIKE [sarcastic]: Ahahahaha... ha. >well hope ya like it!!! keely Thompson > > ch.1 meetings at the beach > serena a 24 year old famous fashion designer walked and talked with her >friends walking the first set of stairs to the hotel. MICHIRU: I really doubt Serena can design anything well... look at how she dresses! HARUKA: Setsuna would be ASHAMED. >they were going to have a race with roller blades. MIKE: What's wrong with this picture... racing on roller blades on a stairwell, hmmm... TOM: Whoa... wha--... WHOA!! [makes a loud crashing sound] >it was going to be serena and mina vs. lita and ray when suddenly they heard TOM: Ami... excuse me, AMY... fart really loudly because she was being ignored! >an all to familiar name, "hey bunny long time no see ne?!" MIKE [Monty Python voice]: Weee are the Knights that say-- HARUKA: Crow... it's "neh," not "nee." MIKE: Well, how should I know! I don't speak Japanese! And they don't give you any indication of how to say it or what it means... >they looked up the stairs to see Travis serena's twin brother. TOM: Travis Serena, please pick up the red courtesy phone. Travis Serena... CROW: Where'd this twin come from? I know she has a brother named Shingo... MIKE: He probably appears in another story... though he is conveniently left undescribed. >"Travis!!!" serena dashed up the staris and hugged him and he hugged her back >while laughing. CROW [Travis]: Boy, Serena, you sure have put on weight! What a fat cow! >suddenly they saw ray and lita racing on the second story with roller blades. >(there room is on the 3) TOM: Can we say "broken necks?" ... So they're staying at a hotel now? Where? When? Why? How-- >"why those...hey trav sha'll we?" MIKE: [stares blankly at the sentence] >Travis shook his head and they jumped up and pressed a bottom that gave them >there roller blades and were of like a shot. HARUKA: I've never seen anything like THAT in a hotel! >soon they saw ray's hair and the next thing ray knew Travis and serena were >ahead of them. by the time ray got to the room they were already there. "oh hello >ray." said Travis casually. ray mumbled something TOM [Ray]: You little show offs, trying to upstage me, the identity-challenged transsexual... I'll show you! >then got an idea. "say why don't we all go to the beach." she said as soon as >every one was settled in. MIKE: Oh yeah, tell them AFTER they're settled! >"hey that's a good idea!! MICHIRU: Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll be eaten by sharks! >I need to get a tan plus ken, Greg,Andrew,and Chad aren't coming till 6:30 and >it's only 12 o'clock. HARUKA&MICHIRU: [stare in confusion] Who are those people? CROW: Those are American names for people you know. HARUKA: But who? What's a "Greg" anyway? CROW: [just sighs] >and I'll cook something up at my new restraunt." said lita. MIKE [Lita]: I almost met the Department of Health requirements! If you start feeling queasy... well... Don't you dare sue me! >"lita, you keep talking about this new restraunt you opened. I mean this is >one of the resons we came to Florida the other was to take a vacation so what >does this new restraunt look like?" ALL: [amazed by the run-on sentence] Incredible. MICHIRU: They're in Florida? >asked mina. "well you'll have to ask serena she's the one that designed it." CROW [Serena]: Tee-hee, it's just like putting together Legos except it isn't as structurally sound or aesthetically pleasing... >said lita with pride that her friend had helped with her restraunt. she had >already seen the restraunt and thought she did a great job. TOM: But little did she know that her mind was deceiving her! It was really a piece of crap! >serena's other friends were very curious about what it look liked. soon >everyone had there bathing suites on HARUKA: They can afford a suite? They're WEARING a suite?! >and went to go look at lita's new restraunt. MIKE: "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Schlotzsky's." TOM: Oh darn, I really wanted to see that restaurant! >as they saw it they gasped. the front of the store had French widows CROW: Poor Yvonne here, her husband passed away last year... Too much wine... A tragedy, really. >and planters with light blue and white roses on the window sills and >ferns at the bottom. it had a country sign that read 'lita's beach palace.' >the sign had sea shells and star fish painted on it. MICHIRU: Can you say "Tacky?" I thought so. HARUKA: Even for Florida! I thought bright pink and peach houses were bad! >as they walked in they saw light wooden tables, with white wicker chairs. >the tables had white cloth on it and roses in a clear vase. MIKE: Ok... beach theme... roses... connection? None. >the hole room was like a caziboe CROW: The room is a hole?! TOM: A what-ziboe?! MIKE: Maybe they mean "gazebo." CROW: But how can it be like a gazebo if it's a hole? >except it was large and had French windows at the back of the restraunt the >doors were open so they walked out and there eyes practically bugged out of >there head! HARUKA: Yes, the Senshi all share a collective head! CROW [computerized voice]: We... are... Borg... You... will... be... assimilated... Resistance... is... futile. >they were on a spot that over looked the ocean. it had a white railing and >tables along side it. near the corner there was a koi pond. (that's a pond >with those really big gold fish.) MICHIRU: Gold fish? Koi aren't goldfish... the appearance is similar but they aren't the same thing. >it had ferns around the koi pond and tables near it. the koi pond also had a >small waterfall and sea mist from the beach bellow TOM: The beach bellowed, "Hey! What the heck are koi and roses doing at a 'Beach Palace'?! Why I outta..." >gave it a nice touch. "wow." was all every one could think or say. MIKE: Along with, "Wow, this is really dumb, Lita. What possessed you to do this?" >"every thing you see here serena thought of and she also gave the idea for >the construction. MICHIRU: That would explain the inconsistent theme... >it isn't it fantastic!!!" CROW: You're right, it isn't! >"wow sere you really over did it this time! TOM: Sere? >its gorgeous! you picked the perfect location and everything!!!" CROW: Except the restaurant itself SUCKS! >complimented mina and ray. serena blushed. "thanks. well lets go to the >beach. hey Travis do ya want to roller blade?" HARUKA: Aren't we the obsessed ones? >Travis nodded knowing that she was very modest about her work and never let >anything go above her like going money crazy which he was glad for. ALL: [laugh until their sides hurt] HARUKA: Usagi? Acting modest when she's praised?! [keeps laughing] >he shook his head and every one roller bladed on the board walk. as they scouted MIKE: Get it, "Scouted?" MICHIRU: Mike... that wasn't funny. >for a palace to set up serena started to skated back words. "say Travis do >you think we should call miacharu and haruka and ask if they can do a few >pieces for us?" MICHIRU: [starts screaming] NOOO! HARUKA: Oh no, not again... MICHIRU: Why?! WHY?! "Miacharu?!" Since when do I have any "a's" in my name?! [sobs] Why is it always ME that gets her name misspelled?! >"I don't know but I think...sere look out for the!!!!" SLAM. serena ran into >someone. TOM: Serves you right! >"pedestrian." finished Travis and skated up to see if she was ok. "oh my I'm >so sorry! I really didn't mean to! I wasn't looking where I was going. it >was interlay my fault. TOM: Interlay... my fault... [head twitches some] MIKE: Tom! TOM! [hits him on the back of the head] TOM: Wh-what happened?! MIKE: Really bad misspelling. TOM: Ohhh... >don't try to apologize." she said while blushing and dusting herself off. as >the man got up he looked at the beautiful lady apologizing. *she's so beautiful. >a goddess.* TOM: Oh wait... I'm thinking of someone else. >suddenly he was aware of a man standing next to her helping her get her >balance. *is that her boy friend?* HARUKA: Nope. >after she reigned her balance MICHIRU: Reigned her balance... [searches around and pulls out horse equipment] TOM: Is there a pony to go with it? >she looked at the man next to her. "thanks trav. why didn't you warn me sooner >any ways?" suddenly serena remembered the man behind her. "oh right! I'm really >sorry I was arguing with my sibling here." CROW [Serena]: I'll leave my sibling's gender unspecific, just to keep you guessing! >she said while pointing at the man. Darien suddenly realized that besides >the masculine fetures he looked almost like the lady. ALL [singing]: Dude looks like lady... >"what! we weren't arguing!" "we are now." Travis could see she was nervous >so he relaxed. "oh I'm sorry I'm Travis an this is my twin sis serena." >Travis and Darien shook hands. "I'm Darien. what were you arguing about?" MIKE [Travis]: Oh you know, normal stuff... Why the sky is blue... How many angels can dance on the head of a pin... Who to kill next... Normal stuff. >serena looked at him a little confused then relization hit her. "oh! we were >arguing about if we should invite our friends to play a piece at my friend >lita's restraunt grand opening." said serena then looked over his shoulder >and her eyes widened visibly. "well speack of the devil." TOM [menacing voice]: You called, Serena? >Darien looked at her strangely. suddenly she yelled, "konichwa michi and >haruka!!!!" HARUKA&MICHIRU: [fall out of their seats] MICHIRU: Mi... chi? HARUKA: Koni... chwa? MIKE: I take it that's spelled wrong? HARUKA: Gee, you think? >and ran (yes run. some where while they were talking she took off her skates.) MIKE: Thanks for not telling us! >to them. they started talking in Japanese rapidly an excitedly. BOTS: [start babbling incoherent stuff] >"what are you guys doing here!! H&M: We're going to ring your scrawny neck! >oh never mind that your here and that's what counts! umm,i have a favour to ask. >could you play a few pieces for litas new restraunt? its her grand opening and >we want a lot of customers!! pretty please!" H&M: NO! >micharu hugged her friend. MICHIRU: [whimpers] TOM: They just LOVE to pick on you! >"why of course bunny! we would love to right haruka?" HARUKA: No, we wouldn't! >haruka smiled and hugged serena too. HARUKA: Taking the opportunity to crush all her ribs, thus puncturing her lungs... >"of course! anything for a friend! as long as you will keep making michi her >beautiful clothes." HARUKA: [wide-eyed] I would HATE to see you in anything she made! MICHIRU: [shudders] I hate the thought of me wearing anything she made... >serena blushed and nodded. "konichwa travis!!" MICHIRU: Let's clear this up. It's "Konnichi-wa," also written as "Konnichi wa." Two "n's." And an "i" before "wa." >how are ya buddy?" asked haruka as he (yes haruka is a guy) HARUKA: [screams bloody murder] WHY YOU HOMOPHOBIC [bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep...] MIKE&BOTS: Whoa! HARUKA: [bleep bleep] MICHIRU: Oh God! [looks dizzy] If you were a guy... well... We wouldn't be together!! [falls over] HARUKA: [bleep bleep bleep...] >came and hugged him. "konichwa haruka! so what are you guys doing here?" HARUKA: We're here to KILL YOU, that's what!! How DARE you make me a MAN?! >some one cleared there throat. everyone turned to see all the girls and >one man standing there. "well do we get hugs or not?" MIKE: No... I don't think so... you're ugly... >asked mina with a pout. the girls ran and every one hugged. as soon as >everything was set up serena made the introductions. "this is haruka, >micharu, MICHIRU: [starts screaming once again] >lita, mina, and ray." MIKE [basso]: Hey, my name's Ray. The operation turned out well, didn't it? You would never know I was a man before... uh, just ignore the voice. >said serena pointing to each person in turn. "Darien shook hands with each >person. "so serena how are ya? hows the business?" asked micharu. MICHIRU: [finally passes out] >"oh its ok. im getting lots of calls for help with the fashion show coming >up and it got really tired so my friends dragged me out here for a few weeks >to clear my mind." TOM [Serena]: Not that there's much to clear. >serena leaned into Travis's chest and he rapped his arms around her. CROW [singing]: Yo yo, his arms, yo, yo, dey were around her, na na na na... yeah yeah ye-yeah.. >"I'm happy for you guys." sighed micharu. HARUKA: I hope Michiru doesn't wake up until this is over. >"you love each other as much as brother and sister could. my brother and I >don't get along well." (aka.that's don't know who her family is so belive with >me here k?) HARUKA: I refuse to believe. >serena got up and wen't to micharu and hugged her. "well i'll be your sister." MICHIRU: [slowly wakes up... starts screaming again] I don't want to be your sister! Get away from me! >said serena and layed her head on her lap as micharu stroked her hair. H&M: HEY! MICHIRU: Get away from me! Haruka is welcome to put her head in my lap and she's the ONLY one that can have her head in my lap!!! CROW: WHOA! HARUKA: Crow, don't you dare say it or I'll have to hurt you. >ray came over and smiled a the sean. CROW: [head starts spinning again] MIKE: Man, this fic is rough, isn't it? CROW: [slowly regains control of himself] >"hey who wan'ts to go swiming?" MIKE [falsetto]: Oh I would, but these new implants just wouldn't do. I'd just float all over the place. >"meeeee!!! said serena and jumped up. ray and lita laughed. 'she'll never >change when it comes to the beach." said mina as they ran into the water. >suddenly. SPLASH!! the next thing they knew they were TOM: Eaten by a vicious shark! >wet. TOM: Darnit! >"SERENA!!!!!" Serena was laughing and was then dunked under water by mina >and lita. CROW [Mina]: Hold her under, Lita! Let's drown her! TOM [Lita]: Wheeeee! >serena was laughing when suddenly she saw darien standing alone. >serena got up and walked up to him. "darien come join us pleeeeaaaasssseeee???" >serena gave him a puppy face. MIKE [Serena]: Here, Darien, take this puppy face, I don't want it anymore. >darien laughed and ran into the water splasing everyone and dunking serena. CROW: Is this "Let's Drown Serena" day or what? >"hey!!" every one yelled. soon a water war was on. at one point no one could >find serena. ALL: [cheer] >Travis started paniking when suddenly he was dunked under the water. he >came up and and saw serena's smiling face. ALL: Awww... >he splashed her and then threw her intothe air. HARUKA [excitedly] While she's still in the air, I'll whip out my sword and sever her neck! >at 5:30 everyone started packing. as they packed there was one person who >wasn't doing anything. "hey has anyone seen sere?" asked travis. every one >shook their heads CROW: Nope, I didn't just see her in my trunk-- Oh... you weren't supposed to know that... >now also worried. they started looking around including darien who found her >first. he smiled as he saw her curled up in a chair with a book in her lap. HARUKA: Uhhhh... since when does she read? MICHIRU: It's Ami in a blond wig! >he picked her up and she snuggled closer wich suprised him. he brought her >back and Travis took her into his arms. serena turned and then woke up. "oh >no i'm sooo late!!'' she screeched MIKE: Uh... she was asleep? [scrolls back to see what he missed] No... There's really no way of knowing... >but was held down by travis a everyone including darien laughed. serena >blushed as she relized where she was. "come on sere we have to go pick up >the guys." CROW [Lita]: Yeah, gotta head down to O.B.T... I'm hoping to get a LOT of money tonight! MIKE: Crow... TOM: O.B.T.? CROW: Oh nevermind! >said lita as she helped her friend up. serena smiled at lita. "well lets go >then!!" she said then added. "haruka you are NOT going to drive my car! last >time i let you you drove like were in the grand pre, AGAIN!" HARUKA: Grrr... it's "prix"... And I might be fast, but I'm damn good at what I do!... And I race Formula One! And-- MICHIRU: [stifles a giggle] HARUKA: [grumbles] MICHIRU: You are very good at what you do though... HARUKA: I should hope so, I do it enough -_-;;; CROW: O_O >haruka laughed. "jezz sere i just wanted to practice and your car is perfect >for it." HARUKA: A mean, a hunk of junk that's held together by its rust and flaking paint... It's exactly like a Formula One car! >serena growled somthing. she looked out at her wach and saw it was 6:10. "oh >no!!!! we have to go NOW!!" TOM: My word, it took 40 minutes to do all that? >and dragged travis towerds the car,never knowing that travis had just given >darien serena's phone number. MIKE: You know... I really think he'd already have her phone number... It's not like they've been going out forever or anything... >at 6:35 they were at the wating room andthey saw that greg,ken,chad,adn >andrew had just come out of the airplain. CROW: [head starts spinning again] MICHIRU: Who are these people?! >the girls ran and hugged there respective husbands. MICHIRU: Huh? No one's even dating except Haruka and I... oh, and Usagi and Mamoru... husbands? CROW: Wha... huh... >serena leaned on travis, she sighed happily. but somthing else was there. MIKE: It was a hideous mutant freak with slime and guts and pus and-- MICHIRU: [delicately coughs] >"sere whats wrong? ohhhh you want a boy friend ne? i think darien would be >a good choice you know." ALL: WHAT?! MIKE: You said at the beginning "a 24 year old famous fashion designer," if she's 24 they'd have been going out 10 years... and suddenly they AREN'T?! >serena some what off gaurd, heard the last part and flusterd up. "ha! that's >a laugh! i'm not nearly as beautiful as you think i am! TOM [Travis]: Oh, well you're mistaken, I don't think you're beautiful at all! >why would anyone want to date me? HARUKA: Why WOULD he want to date you? >besides he probebly dosent even like me." trarvis CROW: [shakes his head] Their own character's name, too... >looked at her sadly. *oh sere you are to beautiful. you are kind and open >harted TOM: Open hatred? MIKE: I think it's "open hearted"... but you never know... >and care so much for others. why can't you see that?* CROW: Why would anyone think they see that? >sooon itwas time to go to the hotel. at 10:30 everyone was in bed except >for serena. she stared out at the full moon as a breez cooled serena off. MICHIRU: And soon she got hypothermia. HARUKA: It really doesn't get cold in Florida... MICHIRU: Hush, you're ruining it. >*oh why is life so complicated? i'm famouse and everyone treats me like i'm >some being from another world. HARUKA: You're from the MOON. Hello? MIKE: So she's an alien? HARUKA: Well... Hey, I never thought about that... MIKE: So... you and Michiru are aliens since you weren't born on Earth in your previous life?! BOTS: [start panicking] We're locked in a theater with aliens! AHHH! MICHIRU: Ummm... -_-;; >some times i wish i were never became some one famouse.* CROW: [head spins AGAIN] MIKE: I think I better try to repair-- TOM: Ohhhh no, Nelson, you can't program a robot on your life! Just let him be... CROW: Whyyy... whyyyyy... >she sighed again and went inside. the next morning every one came out side >there rooms to smell somthing delicouse cookingtey all went to serena and >travis's little room and saw that serena and lita were cooking in the small >kicthen. "ohyoo HARUKA: [groans] "Ohayo." MIKE: Gee... nothing like people trying to use Japanese, spelling it wrong, and not providing translations... >every one. did you have havee a good sleep?" ALL: No! >every one nodded there heads and sat down next to travis who was wathing Mtv >(ok so sue me i wath mtv a lot.) HARUKA: [pulls out a cellphone and starts to dial her lawyer] Darnit... can't get a signal... I hate this place. >about 3 minutes later evryone was eating. serena waas the first to finish. >"i'm going to go for a jog. i'll see ya later." and with that left. MICHIRU: She EXERCISED?! >every one stared at her retreating form. "whats wiith serean she seems sad." >said mina. travis looked at them with sad eyes. "she thinks shes not beautiful >that no one want's to date her. MIKE [Travis]: And she's right of course... sucks for her, doesn't it? >but really men are such chickens that they don't have the nerve to ask her out. MIKE: [starts laughing] HARUKA: My opinion of men has gone down yet another notch. >so she thinks that she pushes them away. the same way she thinks about mom and >dad." TOM: She thinks her parents don't want to go out with her? Well, I certainly hope they don't want to! >every one knew that there perants had died in a car crash. MICHIRU: And this happened... when? >they were only 14 years old but luckily lita let them stay with her. "i'll go >find her said lita. and went off after her. ALL [singing]: Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go! > (at the beach) >*its cold out here. i should have brought a sweater.* HARUKA [Serena, whining]: Even though it's Florida and it probably feels like 100 degrees thanks to the humidity... >thought serena as she walked on the sandy beach. *but i deserve it. i drove my >perants away and i bet one day i'll drive my brother and friends away too.* she >was taken out of her toughts when she felt a warmth saround her. CROW: God spare me! [head sparks everywhere and he shuts off] TOM: Crow! CROW! Get ahold of yourself!! >she turned around to see lita had put a jacket over her. "sere what's wrong?" >she saw serena had tears in her eyees and HARUKA: She had the sudden urge to plant her fist in one of them. >suddenly she bust into tears she had been holding for so many years. lita MICHIRU: You know, it's bad for your health to hold in tears for too long. And to hold them in for years... well... >rocked her back and forht knowing that she was crying over her perants. after >she calmed down lita said, "sere you didn't push your perants away it was never >your fault! when my perants died i went into street fighting MIKE: Street Fighter 2 Alpha Beta Special 1/2 Super Triple Action Combo versus The X-Men versus Marvel Heroes Quad 3 Rumble in the Jungle! TOM: Only available on Saturn. >so i was put in you school you where the one that made me stop fighting. i >fought 'cause i thought since i pushed my family away HARUKA: They DIED. How did you manage to push them away after that? >i would push away my friends but i didn't and you won't and never did so >please itt's time to stop blaming your self!!" MIKE [Lita]: Take that back! It's all YOUR fault! You make me sick, you little tramp! >lita now had tears too. soon they were both crying both comforting each other. TOM: Boo hoo, boo hoo. >soon they came to the hotleand MICHIRU: Came to WHAT? >every one hugged serena. H&M: Except us. >soon ti was time for the grand opening and serena took darien as her date. >serena wore a whit dress MIKE: Ok... what's with spelling white as "whit?" >that showed her curves and had slites at the end showing her long legs. MICHIRU: But since she's 4'11", they really weren't that long. >the grand opaning was a smash hitand serena was recognized for her great fahion >taste. ALL (except poor Crow): [laugh] >soon it was time to go back home to californa HARUKA: Home is TOKYO. It's in JAPAN. Work with me here... >where a very BIG suprise awatied her. MIKE: An enormous fart had levelled her house! >:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: >:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: >thaks for the e-mail lot of luv keely!!!!!!!!!!1 CROW: [groans loudly] Ohhhh... is it over? TOM: Yeah... are you alright? CROW: Ohhhh... I don't think so... [Everyone slowly trails out of the theater] CROW [staggering]: That was a close one, guys. MIKE: It sure was. Are you sure you're alright? CROW: I'll be fine... but... TOM: Say it, Crow. CROW: ... If we only had a pony-- TOM: Do it for Crow, Mike! Do it for Crow! MIKE: [sighs] MICHIRU [trembling]: We're stuck here... with these horrible fanfics... I don't know if I can take it, Haruka! [Michiru throws herself at Haruka, who gives her an awkward hug] HARUKA: Michiru, don't be so worried... it'll be ok... Sure, people can't get your name right... my gender right... our relationship right... [Haruka is suddenly peeved] HARUKA: Hey! This isn't fair! [Castle Forrester] PEARL: Ah, I see you survived! You two are pretty strong minded! BOBO: Ah ha, I told you, Lawgiver! PEARL [glaring at Bobo]: Quiet, monkey breath. [smiles cheerfully again] Well, now that the fanfic is over, I'm going to enjoy a nice afternoon tea. Observer? [Observer carefully walks in; he's balancing his brain pan in one hand and a tray with a tea pot, cups, and scones in the other] OBSERVER: Just... a... moment... PEARL: Bobo, give him a hand. [looks into the camera again] Well, we'll see how long you two last, hmmm? [SOL] HARUKA [glaring]: What gives you the right to keep us here? [Castle Forrester] PEARL: I want to take over the universe. [shrugs] BOBO: The tea is ready! PEARL: I'm coming! [SOL] HARUKA: What a strange woman! TOM: I'll say. I'm glad all human women aren't like that. HARUKA [nodding in agreement]: It would be a bad situation if they were! MICHIRU: So... is there a grand tour? MIKE: Sure, why not? CROW: Wait! Mike better not do it. Sometimes he gets lost... MICHIRU: Oh no... CROW: Don't worry, Tom and I know the way! [Tom drops out of sight and pops back up with an explorer's hat on] TOM: To the corridor! CROW: The corridor! [The bots dramatically exit the picture. Haruka and Michiru follow behind a little reluctantly] [Mike has noticed the catalog still lying out. He picks it up and flips through it] MIKE: Hmmm... you really could keep a pony here... D'oh! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and copyright 1999 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon and all related characters and situations are copyright 1992-1999 by Naoko Takeuchi, Toei Animation, and Kodansha. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for enter- tainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc., Naoko Takeuchi, Toei Animation, and Kodansha is intended or should be inferred. >serena also got a white horse of what she quite nicely named angle. >an appropriate name for a whit horse.